Land Masses
by Ros3bud009
Summary: Little did England know that that day, when he would wonder down a hall, he would meet the gal of his dreams. And even get to feel her up. England/Ukraine


Some days started off well and stayed that way. Other days started off terrible, and commenced to stay as such. And then others were like starting the day off wonderfully with a lover, and later that evening realizing they gave you gonorrhea.

Those days were the worse.

And still other days were neither wonderful nor horrendous. And ironically, those were the days when the most unexpected and life-altering things tended to occur.

But today didn't seem to be one of those days, England thought to himself. If the way the meeting went was any indication, his day had not started well at all. And he expected it wouldn't go anywhere, if America did continue to push his idea for just building a brand new ozone layer with the same material used to bottle all his water.

England was pulled from his cynical thoughts as he ambled down one of the many hallways in the conference building to find Ukraine leaning against the wall, arms tucked around her ribcage and hands clasping at the collar of her button-down shirt. She looked rather at a loss, and England could feel his heartstrings being yanked when she let out a sad sigh.

"Ukraine? Are you quite alright?" She looked up at him suddenly, seemingly unaware of his presence before he asked. With a quick breath and a hand pressed over her heart she smiled.

"E-England! I'm sorry, I didn't see you there," Ukraine stammered, tightening her grip on her shirt. "I'm fine, really, just… well, it's nothing you should have to worry about."

"But I insist," England replied, walking to stand in front of her and placing his hands on his hips, looking already very worried. "I can't very well just leave you alone if you're in need of help."

"Oh, no, really, I'm alright…"

"Well, at least tell me where I can find your siblings so I can tell them to come help you," he reasoned, and at that she cringed and laughed, shaking her head.

"I could tell you, England, but they are a part of the problem, and quite unavailable at the moment."

England looked at her oddly before sighing and placing a sympathetic hand on her shoulder. "Then I really must insist that you tell me what is wrong. I couldn't live with myself if I left a damsel in distress all alone." Even as the words left his mouth, he almost wanted to beat himself for sounding like that damned cliché frog. But it seemed to work as Ukraine smiled warmly at him.

"Thank you, that is very kind of you."

"Please, anyone would do the same," he argued, shyly rubbing the back of his neck. "Now, why don't you come with me to my office or something so we can talk in private…"

"Oh no, I couldn't!" Ukraine interjected, shaking her head. "I have to stay here, to support my brother!" England only looked at her confusedly, and she blushed and glanced away. "You see, he is, uh, currently over there in that bathroom there."

"Right… I still don't understand."

"Well, you see, my sister is in there with him, and--" Nothing more needed to be said as a loud, pained cry of distress echoed from the door in question, followed after by girlish giggling, and England felt his whole body shudder and then go frigid.

"Ah… I see."

Ukraine nodded sullenly and sighed. "I tried to help, I really did! As soon as I saw her put those handcuffs on him, I pulled him out of our room as quickly as possible, telling him to run while I slowed her down!" England could only blink, suddenly feeling out of his depths as soon as handcuffs were brought into discussion. So he defaulted to nodding as if to tell her she could continue.

"But Belarus is smaller than I, and snuck pass me in the doorway, so I chased her down the hall. And when brother turned the corner into this one, I almost had her wrist in my grip, so I told him to go into the bathroom at the end of the hall and lock the door behind him while I slowed her down. B-but then, just when I had her in my grasp, my… well, something snapped and I was so shocked and without thinking had to grab at it and before I knew it, she had snuck in behind my brother and locked the two of them in!"

"A-ah…"

"And so now all I can do is wait until my sister is done so that I can help my brother, you see? Treat the wounds, pick up the tattered clothes, soothe him until he calms down…"

"Yes, of course, just… I need a moment," England confessed, pinching the bridge of his nose and processing the information as best he could. And he thought his family had problems. But compared to this poor girl, they were nothing. Well, actually, he recalled France cuffing him once, but that was neither here nor there. That git was _nothing _compared to Belarus…

And that's when the important fact hit him.

"W-wait, something _snapped_ you say? Are you quite alright?" England suddenly felt himself become riled up, looking at her and assessing all her limbs, looking for a limp or a twist or something. "Was it your ankle, or your knee? I-I should get you to a doctor, just wait here, and--"

"N-no! Wait, England, that's not it!" Ukraine replied, grabbing him by the shoulder before he could race off. "My legs are fine, as is the rest of my body, I promise. Nothing like that snapped."

England let out a relieved sigh and patted his hand against his chest. "Oh thank goodness, you had me worried for a moment. But then, what snapped?"

Ukraine's face turned a pinkish color and she couldn't look him in the eye, instead opting to look at his tie. Inwardly he was thankful he chose a nice one today. "Ah, yes, well, it was… well, up here, actually." She moved her arms a bit, giving her ample chest the slightest of movements, which ended up in a rather decent jiggle.

England could practically feel his jaw drop to the ground. "Wait, your, your _breasts_ snapped?! I… is that possible?!" he cried, switching from her face to her chest. Suddenly his brain was scrolling through all its knowledge of the female breast, and while it certainly wasn't anything to stick one's nose up at, he couldn't think of anything useful. Was there anything inside a boob that _could _break?

These thoughts were shaken out of him as Ukraine patted him on the shoulder, urging him to listen to her. "England, calm down, it's nothing like that! I told you, my body is fine!"

He blinked. "Then what snapped?"

With a great, yet vaguely amused sigh, Ukraine removed the hand that still remained grasping the lapel of her shirt, opening the top of her shirt. The answer wasn't received right away however, as first England noted the very long, beautiful line of her cleavage, followed after by noting the perfect curvature of the two wonderful appendages, and only when he followed the creamy skin down as far as his eyes could see, he noticed the bra.

Which… didn't look right.

Ah. Right.

"…The strap is broken."

Ukraine nodded, still a bit red in the face but otherwise just flustered. "Yes, you see, when I was running, it was evidently too much because the strap broke and, well, it's very uncomfortable when running without support, and I stopped to hold it in and, well, you know the rest of my story."

"So, in other words, you have a broken bra, but can't go do anything about that because you have to wait for your brother?" Ukraine nodded, and while England supposed he really should feel bad for her, he kept getting distracted by the view. And some terrible, awful part of his mind desperately wished he had been in the hall when the snapping occurred, because he was certain it had been quite a spectacular show.

But that was horrible and very ungentlemanly. Right now he needed to focus less on those lovely tits and focus more on the poor girl in distress.

"Alright, well, if you gave me the keys to your room, I could go get -- or better yet I could ask Hungary or one of the other women to go in and get another bra for you."

"That wouldn't work," Ukraine said sadly, shaking her head. "My brother has the key to our room."

"….oh."

"And, besides, this is the only bra I have," she admitted. "It is very difficult to find one that fits correctly."

Well, that England could believe. It wasn't often that boobs like that came with such a small ribcage. But that didn't really make him feel any better as he scoured his brain for ideas. "Well, if we cannot replace it right now, we will have to fix it I suppose."

Ukraine looked at him and then smiled brightly. "Yes, that would probably work! I have some sewing supplies!"

"Brilliant! Where are they? I can run and get them for you," England volunteered. But he felt his sudden elation drop as her face fell. "Don't tell me. Your room?"

"Yes."

"Right. Oh, wait!" he exclaimed before digging furiously through his pockets. With a grin on his face he removed from his pocket his latest needle-point project. "This should work, at least for the time being."

"Oh, thank you England!" Ukraine squealed as she took the needle and thread, pulled back the shoulder of the shirt on the broken side of the bra, and with her free hand pulled the strap down to the cup. However, it wasn't long enough, as the cup sagged down without any support. When she tried to pull the cup up to the strap, the elasticity had pulled the strap up higher away from it so the two couldn't meet.

While quite a show to watch, it caused England to realize suddenly that there was no way she could do it on her own. She came to the same conclusion, and raised up her head to look at him. "I'm sorry, but would you hold this?"

"Ah, uh, s-sure," he stammered, feeling his face turn red as he carefully pinched the top of the cup, trying his best to not touch her skin, and held it up. Ukraine pulled the strap down, but it still didn't reach, and so with a look at him England nodded and lifted the cup up higher, feeling the weight of the breast pulling down.

Goddamn, but these things were _heavy._

"Hold it still," she ordered, biting her lip as she tried to make a few stitches. However, gravity seemed just as attracted to Ukraine's rack as England was, and it was pulling such that it was hard for England to keep the cup in one place. Finally Ukraine just shook her head and clucked her tongue. "Here, just hold it like this," she said as she grabbed his hand and, turning it palm up, placed it under her breast. Ukraine then went on to pull at his other arm and use that hand to keep the fabric in place, but England wasn't really paying attention at that point.

All that he could really comprehend was that he was touching Ukraine's tit. Not just touching, he was cupping it! This woman's large rack! In his hand!

England's pants were feeling a bit tight, and it wasn't because he ate too much at lunch.

And so he stood in awkward, silent bliss, ignoring the rather disturbing noises coming from the door down the hall, but also trying to focus on Ukraine's gentle, agile fingers at work and _not _on how the boob jiggled in his hand every time she moved her arm.

Although he had to admit, it was difficult to ignore that.

Once he became so worried about how the situation was, well, _affecting _him, that he thought that maybe listening in on poor Russia's misery would be like a cold shower. Turned out it was more like having liquid nitrogen poured on his head as his whole body shuddered and he truly believed for that moment that there couldn't possibly be a god. And if there was, he really, _really _hated Russia and was a sadistic bastard.

With a gleeful expression on her face, Ukraine tugged on the strap to find that it held, pulling the boob up and out of England's hand. In her joy she let go of the strap and clapped her hands together, oblivious to the rush of blood in England's face when the boob fell back against his hand.

He really needed to pull his hand away.

But before he could come up with a polite way to do so he was pulled into a strong embrace. "Thank you so much! Thank you thank you thank you!" she cried, pulling back just enough to smile at him. Part of him cheered in joy as the wondrous tits were now pressed up against him, but it was somehow overcome by the warm, fuzzy feeling filling his chest at her words and beautiful smile.

Both parts however did nothing but fill his face with heat as he stammered out a quick, "I-it was nothing. H-happy to help."

Ukraine's smile only widened as she pulled back, patting her hands on England's shoulders. "Nothing? No, no, it was certainly more than that! You're always such a gentleman, England."

England couldn't help it as a grin pulled at his lips, his ego swelling. "Well, I do try my best."

"Yes, and I like that about you," Ukraine answered, leaning forward to give him a chaste kiss on the cheek, giggling. England felt as if he had died and gone to heaven.

Even with the bra fixed and her shirt buttoned up again (which England did have to mourn the loss, but decided it would be odd if he protested), Ukraine still had to wait for her brother, so England stayed with her, to keep her company he insisted. She gladly accepted the company, as it drowned out her brother's pleas, and the two chatted in the hallway.

At one point America turned the corner, stopping for a moment with a shocked look on his face. But then he smirked from ear to ear, walking by and giving England a very obvious wink as he motioned towards Ukraine's large bosom with a tilt of his head. England scowled in return, and once he was gone apologized to Ukraine. She just laughed and waved off his apologies.

All good things come to an end however. The two jumped as the door creaked open and Belarus walked out, a wide grin splitting her face. She turned to her sister, nodded, and walked right on pass them and down the hall.

Well, if that wasn't mildly creepy, England was fairly certain he didn't know what was.

He stood there awkwardly as Ukraine raced in, and could hear her soothing tone of voice waft through the doorway, whispering to her brother in his own language. Just as he was about to slip off, feeling he was out of his range here, Ukraine left the bathroom.

"E-England, you're still here?" she asked. England flushed, coughed and started to pull at some lint on his arm.

"Ah, yes, well, I just wanted to make sure you didn't need any more assistance."

"Oh, but I really couldn't, you have already been too kind," she insisted. But he shook his head sternly.

"No, I really want to help you. If you ever are in need of assistance, I want to be the one to help you." Ukraine blushed and had to look down, looking as if she really wanted to say something but simply didn't know what. Finally she thrust out her hand, in which sat a room key.

"M-my brother needs a new p-pair of trousers, so if you do not mind, I would appreciate it if you could go get some." Deciding to completely forgo thinking about why Russia's old trousers weren't usable, England grinned and nodded, taking the keys in hand and racing down the hall to find the room. Ukraine tried to yell to him that there was no rush, but he wouldn't hear of it. When he finally returned he knocked on the door, handing the trousers to her when she opened the door. Ukraine turned and spoke to her brother again in Russian before leaving the room and shutting the door behind her.

"Thank you so much."

"Think nothing of it. Oh, but, I was curious, are you missing some luggage?" When she looked at him questioningly he continued, "Well, when I was there, I found that this was the only pair of pants I could find. Surely, considering there are still another four days of the summit, he has more pants than just those and, well, the ones that are now… ruined."

Ukraine paused to think about that before suddenly groaning and putting her hand to her forehead. "Yes, oh dear yes, you're right, they are, aren't they? I had forgotten that this was the second pair of pants Belarus has ruined. I thought that three pairs would be enough, but I didn't think she could destroy two within the first day of the conference!" England couldn't help the growing pity he had towards Russia, as well as an even greater unease about his younger sister.

Ukraine sighed deeply and leaned back against the wall, closing her eyes as she thought. Without even thinking, England found himself admiring her pretty face, her silky hair, her creamy skin, the wonderful curves of her body, those _tits_…

England almost smacked himself in the face for that. He felt like a dirty old man.

"I suppose," Ukraine started, bring him out from his thoughts, "that I will just have to go out and buy brother some pants. He has another meeting this afternoon that I don't, so I can go out and find a store. It shouldn't be that difficult to find a store that sells pants, right?"

"Oh, well, I could take you!" England proclaimed, almost laughing as he stood up straighter and pulled at his tie. "I do happen to know this area you know. Being a part of me and all that."

Even Ukraine couldn't help giggling, shaking her head and smiling her beautiful smile at him. "If you are sure it isn't a bother, it would be most helpful. And I know that you won't take no for an answer anyway."

"Right, then I can show you around. I happen to know a wonderful place where I can get you a good deal on work trousers." England paused then, looking at her and glancing down at her bosom just briefly before deciding to take the risk. "And, you know, since we'll be in that part of town anyway, I am sure we could find you a, uh, boutique of some sort where you could get a replacement for, er, your, um, well, you know…" Well, there went that bought of confidence.

Ukraine looked at him, astonished. "England, are you asking if I want you to take me bra shopping?"

England coughed, his face bright red, but nodded quickly. "I, well, yes, yes I am. B-but, don't take me the wrong way, I-I don't want you to think I'm some sort of, well, you know, _pervert _or something, but I just thought that--"

"Yes!" Ukraine cried, grinning widely and practically wiggling with excitement. "Oh yes, I would love to go bra shopping! I have always wanted to go with someone, as it is lonely to go alone, but no one ever wants to go with me!" Well, England thought, if breast size for women was analogous with penis size with men, he could understand why none of the other female nations would want to put themselves in that sort of situation.

About then the rest of his mind caught up with what had just happened.

He was going to help Ukraine shop for bras.

"This will be so much fun! I will finally have someone to tell me if they look good or not," Ukraine cheered. Well. England was definitely sure nothing could make them look anything but smashing, but he would have no problem in checking them all, just in case.

"W-well, I'm glad you're excited," he finally got out, finding his tongue was rather incapable of finding anything more suave to say than that. Ukraine nodded enthusiastically.

"Oh yes, very much so. We can go and get brother some pants, and then go bra shopping, and then oh! We could go get some tea after that!"

"T-tea?"

"Of course! You were talking about earlier how you like to relax at a local place to have tea, right? It sounds wonderful, and I would love to go with you, if that's alright."

Alright, it was time for England to really stop and try to process what was going on here. He was here, with Ukraine. She wanted him to help her with _bra_ shopping, and then afterwards go out for _tea_.

Where had this woman been his whole life?

"England?" Ukraine tilted her head at him, and it was then that he remembered he was more or less asked if he was alright with the whole thing.

"O-oh, right, yes, absolutely! That sounds bloody brilliant," he replied wholeheartedly. "I can have a car waiting for us out front in fifteen minutes!" She grinned back.

"Good. Then, as you might say, it's a date!"

England felt as if his heart had grown wings and was fluttering against his ribs.

"What about a date?" came Russia's voice, and England felt his whole body go stiff. Oh dear God.

"Oh, brother, you're finally up," Ukraine said, walking up to him and straightening his coat. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Yes, sister, I'm fine," he replied before pinning England down with a glance. "Now, a date you say?"

"Yes, England said he would be willing to help me go find you some new pants to replace the ones Belarus ruined," she explained, grinning but in a more strained way now. "Then we're going to go find some things for myself before going to get some tea. I've never really tried English tea, but I'm sure it will be wonderful."

"What sorts of things?"

England felt as if those eyes were burning a hole into his own.

"Oh, well," Ukraine started, thinking, and it was clear that she was trying to keep her brother from figuring out the truth, "just a few things that I forgot to pack, that is all. Nothing big, I may not even come back with anything. Girls sometimes like to shop just for shopping, and not for buying you know.  
She paused again, giving England a quick glance, no doubt seeing how desperately terrified he was, and quickly added, "I-it's really not a real date of course, I was just joking, brother. Using the English language and their idioms, you see. "

"Of course," Russia replied, smiling, but his eyes never left England's face, and those eyes definitely weren't smiling or convinced. He continued to glare down the other, and England could only gulp and hope that the larger nation didn't develop laser vision.

"S-so why don't we just take you back to the room, hmm? I'm sure it would be good for you to sit down, look over your material before the meeting, relax a little," Ukraine insisted, pushing her arm into the crook of his arm and pulling. Russia didn't move.

"England?"

"Uh, y-yes?"

"I trust that you will be good to my older sister, da?" He was still smiling, but England felt goose bumps on his arms.

"O-o-of course," England stammered, but his affirmation only seemed to make the other's face grow darker and the smile more twisted.

"Good. You see, as my older sister, she is very precious to me, and I do not know what I would do if someone were to do something to her they should _not _have, England," Russia stated, and England could tell that actually he knew just what he was going to do, planned out every step and detail, all for optimum levels of pain and torture, and was playing it all out in his mind, with none other than England's person used as the test subject.

It was all he could do to not have his knees buckle and fall to the ground crying.

Ukraine bit her lip and looked at him sympathetically before pulling harder on her brother, finally leading him away.

England stayed glued to the spot, staring at the wall now, fearing if he so much as moved Russia would kill him. He only tore his eyes away when he heard Ukraine call out to him from the corner she was about to turn with her brother.

"England, I will still see you out front in fifteen minutes, yes?" Ukraine still looked sympathetic, but now had added onto that hopeful. When he didn't answer right away, wary of the resumption of the glare Russia was giving him before, those beautiful eyes flickered with worry and sadness.

His mind cried out for the welfare of his life, but his heart was screaming at him, asking how he could even consider hurting that gorgeous woman.

England was a gentleman, and sometimes a gentleman had to put it all on the line for his lady.

He tried his best to resume a relaxed stance, placing one hand on his hip and raising the other to wave at her, his face breaking out in a grin. "Of course! I'll go call for a car right now and wait for you out front!"

The happy smile that graced her lips was beautiful; so much so that his heart swelled enough that even Russia's glare couldn't shrink it back completely.

England was getting himself involved with a family that before he would have done anything to avoid, and was no doubt looking at many a frightening situation.

But for that brilliant smile, England would take the risk.

And her tits weren't bad either.


End file.
